Just a game

Despite having written 900,000 words so far this year, I’m supposed to be retired. Life of leisure. All that. My leisure time the past couple of weeks has been sucked up by illness from which I’m now feeling mostly recovered. After a doctor’s visit, urgent care visit, two rounds of steroids, a course of antibiotics, a nebulizer, two inhalers, and over-the-counter expectorant and cough suppressant, I’ve had four good nights’ sleep in a row for the first time in eight months.

Nonetheless, I make time most days to go play cards with compatriots at the lodge here at Sun Meadow. We play “Hand and Foot”, a game that is best described as “Canasta on steroids.” I play for fun. I don’t have the focus or concentration to play some of the games I used to enjoy, like pinochle. I go up to enjoy conversation, a glass of wine, and an object in front of me to keep us occupied. I don’t really care who wins or loses. If I spot a mistake a player has made that would significantly change his or her play, I point it out and give them a chance to remedy it if they want to. Makes to difference if that person is my partner or opponent.

Usually, that’s appreciated, but not always. Especially not by my partner if I’m helping the opponent. A partner this week (we change partners every game) watched me make a mistake in my play and no one volunteer to correct it as we moved to the next player. “See. No one bothers to help you, even when you’ve helped them.”

And that got me thinking.

Is the price of my being courteous to other players having them be courteous to me? Everyone plays their own game. I’m sure most if not all of the players at the table didn’t even notice my misplay. But should I not extend my courtesy to other players because they don’t or didn’t return it?

A friend talked about driving to Seattle not long ago and how rude the drivers were there. He saw a car signaling to change lanes and slowed up to give him room. Nice. Courteous. But when he attempted to change lanes, no one would let him in. “If that’s the way they’re going to drive, then hell if I’m going to let them in,” he said. He made sure the distance to the next bumper from that point on was too narrow for a car to attempt to pull in front of him.

Why? Why would the courtesy of another driver, or lack thereof, affect me being courteous to others?

I think we get in a routine of letting other people’s behavior define the standard for our own behavior rather than let our standard of behavior be a beacon to others. In that way, the behavior of our society sinks to the lowest common denominator.

No. I will continue to be courteous, kind, loving. Even when those behaviors are not returned to me. It costs me nothing and perhaps will make my little corner of the world a better place to be.