The Ups and Downs

I originally intended to post a fairly political analysis regarding the inappropriateness of saying one is a fiscal conservative and a social moderate. But, It has gotten quite long and I want to do a complete fact check before I post it. Yes, I check to see if what I’m saying is true. I try not to lie, even to myself.

So, instead this somewhat more personal and considerably more up and down piece.

The Ups

This week was the national convention of the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR). It was a great gathering of close to 300 nudists at Sun Meadow Resort in Worley, Idaho where I live during the summer. Stellar entertainment was included, and being an author not prone to miss a chance, I became a vendor at the convention.

The little white arrow upper left is where I’m camped, though I think this satellite photo was taken when someone else was in “my” spot. That doesn’t look like my truck and trailer.

And the results were as good as any show I’ve done! I ran out of stock on both Wild Woods and The Gutenberg Rubric with only two copies of City Limits left! From that perspective, sitting for seven hours on the patio talking to the variety of people who came by to chat and perhaps make a donation to the author (for which I let them choose a book), was a very good use of my time.

The Downs

I’ve been plagued with some health problems the past month and a half. I’ve lost nearly 15 pounds, which I could stand to lose, but not quite in this way. No. I’ve lost it as a side-benefit of sleepless nights, wheezing, coughing, in panic attacks because I couldn’t breathe, and suffering shortness of breath when engaged in the simplest tasks. I’ve had little or no appetite, often going a day or two without eating at all. I’ve not drunk wine all week. Even my coffee consumption is down to about half a cup a day. Now that’s serious.

It was critical enough that I even decided to go to a doctor on July 26 and the assessment was that I had asthma. I got drugs that made me feel better in the short term. Inhalers for the long term. And ten days after my appointment, I had such a horrifying panic attack because I couldn’t breathe that I froze in my chair and sat there all night waiting to die.

A visit to the urgent care center the next morning resulted in a basic affirmation. Chest x-rays showed little sign of moisture. I was clear and had 94% oxygen content in my blood. I got more steroids and a round of antibiotics. A nebulizer to get the albuterol deeper into my lungs and went home to my trailer at Sun Meadow.

Where I was roundly reprimanded by my friends for not having called 911, not having called one of them, and not having gone to the emergency room. But the reality was that my head was so muzzy, I didn’t think of any of those things. I didn’t think at all.

I had days of relief once again until I found myself in the midst of another attack Thursday night. This time (I thought), I knew what to do and kept puffing albuterol until the symptoms died down and I was able to sleep. And each time I woke up, I puffed again and got back to restless sleep. In the morning, I went back to Urgent Care.

Their alarm was over the fact that I’d used way too much of the inhaler which was simply marked “Use as needed.” Apparently, you aren’t supposed to need it more than once every four hours and taking eight doses in two hours was excessive. More x-rays and blood test. My blood oxygen level was up to 96%. I was given another nebulizer and told to practice my deep breathing to control the panic.

Friday wasn’t a great day. Saturday night was only marginally better. I have a doctor’s appointment slated in Seattle for Tuesday and decided that instead of driving 350 miles across Washington on Monday, I was just going to fly, and do it right damn now. Wow! Was that an expensive decision. There went almost $900 of my round-the-world travel funds for this fall. But it is good to be here with family and friends who are watching out for me and will get me to the doctor on Tuesday. And I slept all night last night for the first time in a long time.

I don’t know what the long-term prognosis is, but if I don’t have some mastery of this situation soon, I will not be heading around the world this fall. It’s too big a risk to be in Australia or Thailand or India and suddenly not be able to breathe. I’ll have to make other plans for this winter.

The Side Effects

Sleep deprivation, according to police, is more dangerous than intoxication when it comes to driving. That was my own assessment when I decided to fly to Seattle instead of drive. But sleep deprivation, like intoxication, significantly affects one’s rational abilities.

For a writer, that is devastating.

I drive a keyboard. Frequently over the past three weeks, I have jerked awake and found a page or pages of the letter ‘l’ typed across my screen. Sometimes rereading what I’d written just prior to that is as bad as drunk texting. Over the past four days, I’ve written only about 1,400 words on my current story. This is from a man who is used to writing over 4,000 words a day.

Only 10,000 words this week? When the rest of the year has shown 25-40,000 a week? And yes, if you are noting where the blue bars have reached, they show over 900,000 words so far this year.

I’m sincerely hoping that I’ll be able to focus on my story a little this week. I need to for my own sanity, not just for the sake of my readers.

So next week, maybe I’ll be ready to tackle the conundrum of being a fiscal conservative and a social moderate. See you then!