First Exit: You might be part of the problem...

Please don't blame Jeff Foxworthy for this. That incredibly talented comedian came up with the fantastic series "You might be a Redneck..." that I've often laughed at while traveling cross-country in my truck. Many people have posted "You might be..." things crediting Foxworthy, who probably has never even seen them. This one is all mine and he's not to blame for something he could have done a much better job with.

In my exhaustive tests and research, I have determined that I can offend about 95% of my friends and followers with this post. The other 5% can't actually read. If you'd rather not risk it, just scroll down and look at the pretty pictures of Hawaii where I'm spending the winter.

YOU MIGHT BE PART OF THE PROBLEM...

If you can’t tell the difference between ‘then’ and ‘than’…
If you think corporations are people…
If you believe safety is more important than freedom…
If your religion is better than everyone else’s…
If you think Ted Cruz is a natural born citizen and Barack Obama isn’t…
If you believe we would be safer if the weird guy who talks to himself on the bus, the boss who pinches his secretary’s butt, and the 16-year-old hormonally driven teen dating your child were armed…
If you think ‘gun-free zones’ reduce crime…
If terrorism is a sensible alternative to you...
If two guys having a wedding can affect the sanctity of your marriage…
If you think Obama is coming for your guns…
If you intend to end homelessness with a ten-year plan…
If you believe a wall will keep out problems…
If you think Bernie Sanders is a Democrat…
If you post clever memes that show how outraged you are…
If you think everything is binary--yes/no, black/white, good/bad, plus/minus, saved/damned...
If you can only speak one language (and that, not very well)…
If you think Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are opposites…
If your god is the only one of the 3,000 or so that have been worshiped in human history that is real...
If you’ve decided the antichrist lives in Washington DC…
If you think any computer manufacturer or software publisher EVER calls customers to offer help…
If you've never traveled outside your own country...
If you believe everyone is equal but you or your group are a little more equal...
if you think vaccinations pose a greater risk than epidemics...
If you think drug companies care about curing diseases...
If you think "The Bible Belt" comes with a quick-draw holster...
If your Christmas was ruined by someone saying "Happy Holidays"...
If turning the other cheek means applying makeup...
If you didn't check the expiration date on the "fact" you are quoting...
If you'd rather argue than think...
If you don’t know the difference between a sheik and a Sikh…
If you think there is a difference between cops killing innocent people and people killing innocent cops...
If you’ve forgotten (and/or are ignoring) Jeb’s last name…
If you think school violence didn't occur in the 60s...
If you think U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq are fighting for our freedom…
If you think Europe is right next door to North America and the Middle East is way over on the other side of the world…
If you've forgotten all the words of the Pledge of Allegiance except the ones added in the 50s...
If you believe 'one good man with a gun' will ever help against terrorism...
If you think Africa is a country…
If you think Ben Carson is a sensible alternative…
If you don't think there is 'enough' for everyone...
If you post pictures of kitties to counteract the evil in the world…
If you think Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, or the Dalai Lama is going to give you $1,000, $5,000 or $1 Billion if you share his post…
If you believe Muslims are a bigger threat to freedom than Christians...
If you think peanut butter and banana sandwiches taste good...
If nothing in this post offended you...
If you have a clever, pithy, witty thing to say in response to this blog post…